There are those out there, like maybe your father or your conspiracy theorist next-door neighbor, who just don’t trust the Internet.  Sure, the Web has enabled a global revolution in communication and innovation, but, like the guy who’s way too drunk at a wedding, some people are out to ruin the party.  These are the panels for those who are always on the look-out for that drunk guy, for the people who are convinced that the Internet harbors danger.

5. RIP Jeff Goldblum: Truth vs. Web BS (3/13, 5:20 p.m.) – Everyone remembers where they were when they heard that Jeff Goldblum had died.  Wait, no they don’t, because it turned out to be completely false.  This interactive discussion aims to educate Internet users, i.e., everyone, on how to discern real news from fake, and how to cast a critical eye upon those “scientific breakthroughs” that enable enlargement of certain appendages.

4. Data Control: Who’s Nibbling at Your Cookie (3/16, 12:30 p.m.) – Any Facebook user can tell you that advertising programs are scarily good at targeting consumers.  So do those Rock of Love DVD Collection ads on your profile page mean that someone out there has the ability to spy on your every move?  This interactive conversation will tackle “how to balance the benefits of data openness with the need for privacy,” so that your questionable interests needn’t be cause for concern.

3. How I Lost My Job Through Twitter…Again (3/15, 5:00 p.m.) – Austin Baker and Jeff Moriarty, of Sitewire, will discuss how an unfavorable Facebook status can lead to an unfavorable employment status.  Ahh, if only doing two-story beer bongs and being hungover were job skills…

2. Sexting+Nudie Pics = Digital Violence Among Teens (3/16, 5:00 p.m.) – This panel is of a more serious nature, as Taras Wayner and Chloe Gottlieb, of R/GA, will address “digital dating abuse, a growing problem in teen relationships.”  The danger of sexually provocative online activity is the primary discussion point.

1. The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains (3/16, 11:30 a.m.) – Author Nicholas Carr will discuss how the Net has damaged our ability to concentrate and contemplate.  Once “book readers,” we have now become distracted “screen watchers.”  Damn I’m hungry.